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Warning: The phenomenal clusterfuck that is this situation has left me unable to form full, coherent thoughts.

People Who Absolutely Need To Just Stop Forever And Ever And Ever: Lindsay Lohan, Volume Infinity

(via INFphoto.com)

OH MY GOOD GOD LINDSAY LOHAN WAS ARRESTED AGAIN alksdjfl aksdjf a;ioejawk dsklasjdflkjsgkdflakjsdf

(via Reality TVGIFs)


(via Reality TVGIFs)

In some ways, this was a surprise, like, ya know, the day of the week in which it occurred, but in most ways, it absolutely was not.

Lindsay was arrested at 4 AM this morning for allegedly punching this woman:


Although, the majority of her attacks have been of the vehicular variety, so at least this is new ground for her.

But seriously, I don’t understand why it’s so hard for this bitch to stop hitting people and generally break very easy-to-abide-by laws.

Reportedly, while she was being arrested, Lindsay kept saying, “Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me?”

(via Reality TVGIFs)

What exactly was confusing about that situation, Lindsay? CAN SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN BASIC LAWS OF SOCIAL BEHAVIOR TO THIS WOMAN?

I won’t place all of the blame on her. Club Avenue, where the incident took place, what the hell were you doing? WHY did you let her in? PSA TO ALL NIGHTCLUB ESTABLISHMENTS: Stop letting her into your venues. Unless it’s Club Keep Your Ass At Home, Lindsay Lohan should not be there

Just think, there she was, on top of the world coming off her brilliant performance in Liz & Dick:

(via whatshouldwecallme)

And now, this is her life at the moment:

(via Reality TVGIFs)

This might be the last straw that lands her butt in jail for a substantial amount of time. Because that’s what happens when you continue to BREAK THE LAW. Does she know this? GUYS, maybe she doesn’t know? That has to be it, right? There cannot be any other reason why she would continue to do stupid, stupid shit while she still on probation for like ten other things! GAAAAAHHHH I. CAN. NOT. WITH. THIS.


(via Reality TVGIFs)




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It is not news that Yoko Ono is one of the most bizarre famous people on this planet. She has always been known to see things a little bit differently than the rest of us (i.e. she didn’t think The Beatles should be 2gether 4ever). Her extremely eccentric statements on Twitter are definitely proof of that.

(Up was a fictional movie, Yoko!)

(That song in Pocahontas isn’t real either.) 

So, yeah, there’s that. She is also one of the most charitable people in the world, but I think we can all agree she lives in a different planet than the rest of us. Also…when was the last time someone who pretty much branded themselves as a New Yorker speak this positively about life? It’s against our nature.

Anyways, Yoko’s latest venture is a very interesting one that I needed to tell the world about. She has collaborated with Opening Ceremony to create a men’s fashion line, except the clothing she designed for it is the least wearable thing I’ve seen in a long, long time. For instance:

Just no. If I saw someone walking towards me on a sidewalk wearing this, I would probably cross the street.

Or this one, probably meant to be worn on special occasions, since it “resembles” a “suit”:


I mean, there’s color blocking, and there’s color blocking. I don’t think she quite gets how that trend works.

And…wait for it…

This is my personal favorite. So simple, yet so refined. JAY KAY IT IS BEYOND RIDICULOUS WHAT IS THIS??????!!!!!!!

She also designed a jock strap for the collection, but I simply couldn’t bring myself to expose your eyes to that. YOU’RE WELCOME.

I don’t know what is going on with her, but I think that if any non-Yoko person designed a clothing line and this is what came out, our loved ones would have us committed. I hope she is seeing someone, if you know what I mean.




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Remember planking? If you’re lucky, you’ve blocked that dark time from your memory. Well, IT’S GOTTEN WORSE FOLKS. However, this time, it’s another country’s turn to be the birthplace of some inane viral meme. Buckle up, Great Britain:

Is milking the most pointless internet craze yet? Students filmed pouring four-pint cartons over their heads

Amazingly, this headline was able to simultaneously propose and answer that question because JOURNALISM.

Stupid story short: A bunch of idiots stand around at various locations and pour milk over their heads while some other idiot films them.

I really just cannot with this:

This is me right now:

(via Reality TVGIFs)


Some highlights:

  • The group is made up of students and graduates, who are seen pouring four-pint containers of milk over themselves across Newcastle.

STUDENTS and people who have GRADUATED. Educated human beings are voluntarily pouring milk over their heads.

  • Tom Morris, 22, who was behind the video said: “Who the frickity frick frack cares.”

The point here being, this man is TWENTY-TWO YEARS OLD. He has spent a score and deuces on planet Earth and this is the best he can do with his life.

  • […] at least two videos have been made – one at prestigious Oxford University, and the group have been inundated with messages from others wanting to film their own ‘milking’ video.

You hear that? OXFORD UNIVERSITY- one of the most esteemed universities in the world. These aren’t the Honey Boo Boos of the UK or all those My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding kids. These are the brightest minds in the whole damn country

  • Apparently the Youtube commenters on these videos are big fans of the dairy puns: SamSmurfet said: ‘Holy cow man! Dairy good video. Just semi-skimming youtube when I found this.’

Die, SamSmurfet. Die.

For the love of sweet almighty Jesus we cannot let this start in America. This country has enough issues without adding this deep, deep stupidity into the mix. We’re still recovering from Liz & Dick for god’s sake!

I’m not even going to get into what an obnoxious, selfish waste of milk this is. I just hope an army of dairy cows rampages these clowns.




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You know how I can tell the economy is on an upswing? There are people spending money on second homes. And third homes. Oh, and space homes! Elon Musk, a billionaire and pioneer of private space travel, is going ahead with plans to build an exclusive colony on Mars. Yeah, let me tell you, the rest of us who will be “stuck” here on earth are all going to feel REALLY excluded from that exclusively exclusive community.

Elon is only planning for his colony to accommodate 80,000 people. And when I say “only planning,” I mean he is going to be clamoring to get more than 100 people to go with him. And if for any reason there are 80,000 people willing to go with him, I’d be pretty OK with the fact that the world might be ending quite soon (as detailed so beautifully by KB yesterday).

The airfare alone costs $500,000, so basically, there are barely even 80,000 people who can afford to set up camp on Mars. Think about it- you can’t leave your family behind. So airfare for one couple would be a million dollars. Not to mention kids, pets…moving is expensive when you’re doing it from one city to another. I can’t imagine the expenses associated with moving to another planet.

It simply baffles me that people can even talk about spending such gross amounts of money on such absurdly unnecessary things without being embarrassed or feeling like complete assholes. This is akin to that $250,000 nail polish, but at least with that you could get a killer manicure and still live on earth with all of your friends.

I’m all for being an early adopter, but COME ON. I don’t even care if living on Mars will be an option in my lifetime, because all that matters is that it is not an option now, so I’m not going to pay to secure my spot for some undetermined time in the future. Also, WHO WANTS TO LIVE ON MARS??? I leave NYC and freak out about the lack of things there are to do- I can only imagine that Mars would get boring about 30 seconds after that space shuttle lands.

I’d venture to say that people who are investing in this now actually make up a majority of the people with low IQs in the world. That or they are somehow affiliated with Scientology.




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By now you’ve probably heard that, according to the Mayan Calendar, the world will come to an end on December 21st of this year. I’m not sure when exactly we all started basing our lives off an ancient calendar system from a civilization that no longer exists, but whatevs, seems like we’re going strong with this one. I realized that I really need to do something about this. The world can’t end in less than a month. I need more time! I haven’t even met Beyonce or Rihanna yet!!!!

Because I’m real smartz and retained my eight grade history education, I remembered that The Mayans used to perform ritual sacrifices. Naturally, the only way to prevent the end of the world is to take up this practice again.

Look, I’m not saying we should go ahead and off these guys…I’m just saying we should make the offer and see where the gods/God/Allah/Jehovah/Quetzalcoatl/Yahweh stand. Maybe if we can prove to the universe that we have enough damn sense to rid ourselves of all this ridonkulousness, they’ll keep us around for a little longer.

Five Things We Should Offer As Sacrifices To Avoid the End of the World

Obese Cats


SERIOUSLY THOUGH LOOK AT THESE MONSTERS. I was going to include all cats, but I decided to try to be diplomatic here. I will always admit that I have a bit of a bias because I’m allergic to these evil heifers, but they have still gotsss to go. And I say this as someone who cares about a lot of people who really love cats. Whatevs, they’ll get over it. That’s what they get anyway for overfeeding these backstabbing land whales.

The Kardashian Family


I think this could really do the trick, if for no other reason than that there’s power in numbers. JKJKJKJK there are about a million other reasons why we should try to get rid of these people. These clowns have become a defining pillar of our pop culture landscape, (that is the saddest thing I’ve ever typed) and just think about what they represent: Extreme self-absorption, no useful contributions to society and using fame and wealth to do nothing but maintain said fame and wealth. (The babies can stick around though. It’s not their fault this is who they ended up with.)

People who use golf umbrellas in New York City

These are the worst kind of people on the planet. Unless you’re actually on a golf course or are trying to shield all Seven Dwarfs from the rain, you DO NOT need a damn golf umbrella. There are over 8 million people in New York City–we don’t have the time or space for this shit. You’re walking down a sidewalk, not a football field. I’m from the Pacific Northwest, which is basically a rainforest, and we just throw on a hood and call it a damn day. No golf umbrellas in sight because we are not assholes. Now, to be fair, New York actually gets more rainfall than Seattle (YES THAT’S A TRUE SCIENTIFIC THING) and the rain here is generally much heavier, so I understand the need for an umbrella–a personal umbrella. Capable of covering one person. For realz though, look at that selfish jerk in the picture. Good riddance.

Patrice Wilson

Exhibit A: Rebecca Black’s “Friday”. Exhibit B: “Thanksgiving“. This man needs to be stopped. If we don’t get rid of him now, we’re going to have some sad, oblivious 15 year-old girl warbling about every damn day of the week and every holiday on the calendar.

Whoever came up with the idea for those stupid sparklers with bottle service

Gaaawwwd this. is. the. absolute. worst. Those inane sticks of dynamite are like 80% of the reason I hate clubs. I assume that the only reason clubs even do this is because the people buying the bottle actually like it. We get it guyzzz, you paid too much for a bottle! Cool! For this one night, in this one trendy club, you are very very cool and we aaalll want to be exactly like you. Just take your overpriced bottle of liquor and sit the hell down. How these fire hazards haven’t burned a club down yet I’ll never understand. Also, have you ever looked at the faces of the waitresses when they’re forced to perform this charade? They look like they hate you, themselves, and every life decision they’ve ever made. We’d actually be doing them a favor.

Only have 23 days left folks! Let’s get crack a lackin.