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For those of you who aren’t masochists, last night was the premiere of the Lifetime original movie, Liz & Dick, starring Lindsay Lohan as Elizabeth Taylor.

(via Lifetime)

Before filming even began, I wrote about what an unmitigated disaster it would be if Linsday Lohan were to play Dame Elizabeth. Clearly Lifetime didn’t listen to me but you can’t say I didn’t warn you fools. Now, to be clear, we all know this movie would suckity suck suck suck all the air from planet Earth into this black hole of badness. And yet, we chose to watch it anyway. That’s on us.

Anticipation was high, yet probably best kept to oneself:

https://twitter.com/LanceBass/status/272913028264103936

Yeah, Lance. It kind of is.

There were those who clearly weren’t in on the joke and seemed to be approaching the film with something resembling actual earnestness which makes me sadder than you’ll ever know:

https://twitter.com/MrJMFlynn/status/272904829653897218

And that includes Lifetime, although, at this point, for them, whatretheygonnado?

Whoever was forced to come up with these tweets deserves a raise, a vacation, and an optional lobotomy.

Then there were the zingers, which, let’s be real, is  like 80% of the reason Twitter even exists:

https://twitter.com/rachsyme/status/272888815167893505

Elizabeth Taylor was an amazing woman, but Lindsay did a phenomenal job of making her look like an unhinged, alcoholic with a speech impediment:

https://twitter.com/Nathan_S_Scott/status/272898647434338304

I know this is abundantly obvious, but Linsday Lohan could not have delivered a worse performance in this film. To her credit, I was a bit surprised. We all remember her glory days in the Parent Trap, Freaky Friday, and Mean Girls. However, if Liz & Dick taught me one thing, it’s that homegirl Lohan FOR REALZ cannot act. I don’t know if she lost it, never had it, or what, but Jesus hell she needs to pick a new profession. Yes, the dialogue was ridiculous and every single scene was under two minutes long, but there’s just no excuse for this:

(via)

Everyone was saying what we were all thinking:

https://twitter.com/bananarams/status/272895221082243072 https://twitter.com/Jon_Eiseman/status/272890027288182784

 

If you haven’t already, I don’t know that I would actually suggest you see Liz & Dick, but if you find yourself hungover and sprawled across your couch on a Sunday afternoon and the movie comes on, don’t exert the effort to change the channel.

For those of you who have no interest in the movie and/or like living a productive life, I’ll leave you with one line and one tweet that encompass the entirety of this atrocity:

I don’t loathe you. I hate you.

 

 

-K