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Each week we take a look at what was trending on Twitter and provide some deep and meaningful insight. Or we just bitch about it.

August 4th- August 10th

  • Aaliyah

When: 8/5

Why: Aaliyah’s “new” song, “Enough Said” is released

Shir: I think Drake’s next tour is going to feature a hologram of Aaliyah, and there is probably nothing we can do about it.

Kara: OH MY GOD NO. I’m really not a big fan of dead people releasing music. Unless they approved the songs before their death, I can’t imagine too many of them would be happy with the music. I know, blah blah the fans blah blah. But the fans can deal with it. After a musician dies, you really have no right to expect new music from them anyway. Plus, Drake’s role in this whole production of her “new” album is nothing short of creepy.

  • Elton John

When: 8/7

Why: Elton John continues to trash talk Madonna

Shir: This man is a genius. I watched all twelve minutes of the interview and fell in love with him. The headlines coming out of Madonna’s new tour have been outrageous and I can’t stand her weird muscles being part of the news every day. Sir Elton John was right on the money with this one.

Kara: Remember when Elton John said that Madonna didn’t have “a fucking chance” at winning the Golden Globe for Best Original Song last year and then she DID win and looked smug as all get-out? That was awesome. Elton, shut up and go make some music. Madonna is a bad bitch and always will be.

  • Stars Earn Stripes

When: 8/7

Why: Olympics viewers are bombarded with commercials for NBC’s new show that has celebrities training like US military forces

Shir: Can we talk about how NBC cancels good shows like 30 Rock and Parks and Rec, only to bring us this bullshit? Tina Fey would not approve, neither would Liz Lemon, and neither would I.

Kara: Hmm, I’m not so sure about this one. Obviously I haven’t seen any episodes yet, but I an already tell you that a surefire way to make this show infinitely better is to have the audience vote on who has to go through that hellish training process. Hey Kim, girl you better lace up your combat boots.

  • Honey boo boo

When: 8/8

Why: TLC’s “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” premieres

Shir: It’s really cool that the Olympics made everyone feel especially patriotic and we all fell in love with America again. And then this show premiered. WTF. I love me some bad television, but this is straight up offensive.

Kara: Truly, my life has been changed forever. That hour to television was a gold mine of brash, shameless, quotable goodness. THIS SHOW IS PHENOMENAL. VAJIGGLE JAGGLE.

  • Dwight Howard

When: 8/9

Why: The Dwight Howard saga finally nears the end as rumors swirl that he’ll be sent to the LA Lakers in a blockbuster trade deal

Shir: Not all Twitter trends are relevant to my life, and Dwight Howard trending is a perfect example of that. Thankfully, I have Kara’s letter to him to look back on and try to understand what the hell is going on.

Kara: Good lord it is about. damn. time. D. Wight. Months ago I laid out the pros and cons of Dwight’s options. Then I wrote you a letter asking you to get a move on. And now, finally a decision has been made. Although, I’m pretty sure it was largely made for you. But at least we no longer have to hear about your complete inability to make a decision. Side note: The Lakers are now terrifying.