#sasstag Dos and Don’ts of Halloween
Don’t
Buy an entire costume from American Apparel
It’s just as lazy and uncreative as buying one of those bagged costumes from a costume store but with the added perk of looking like a money-wasting, yuppie, hipster asshole.
Be a sexy inanimate object
I cannot stress this enough. If you want to dress up as something sexy, BY ALL MEANS go for it. But spend ten minutes thinking about it before defaulting to dressing up as whatever you see lying on the floor and just slutting it up. Do not be a sexy crayon or a sexy can of coke or any other ridiculousness like that. If you want something sexy, just be a French Maid and call it a day.
Spend a lot of money on this crap
Seriously. Do not fool yourself into thinking that you’ll wear a gold, full-body unitard again. Do not let your girlfriends convince you that you can just throw on that $50 sequined bra “with jeans for a night out.” We all know that ain’t happening.
Wear a racist costume
RACISM ISN’T CUTE Y’ALL. Say it with me: People and cultures are NOT costumes. That includes:
Native Americans
Geishas
Mexicans
ANY form of Blackface
ALL THAT IGNORANT-ASS OFFENSIVE BULLSHIT. It’s racist and if you wear it, you are racist and eligible to be openly mocked as so. End of story.
Dress up on any night other than October 31st
It’s really not that serious guys. Unless you’re going to a party that involves walking down a red carpet, stick with one costume. Dressing up multiple nights is fine if you’re still in college but in real-ass life, this holiday is ONE DAY ONLY.
Do
Guiltlessly binge on candy
Shir is a candy Jedi so this is really just like any other night for her. However, for me, during the two weeks leading up to Halloween, I probably eat 70% of my candy consumption for the year. Whatever your style, just indulge and don’t ask questions.
Spend the next morning on the lookout for everyone doing the walk of shame (or walk of TRIUMPH) in their costumes
Because is there any other reason this holiday exists?
Wear a Rihanna-inspired costume
Because duh. There are just so
many
options
guyzz
Throw away all the candy corn you find
Because 1) It’s gross and 2) WHO WANTS TO EAT CANDY THAT’S BASED OFF OF A VEGETABLE??
-K