Cosmopolitan Magazine is back at it, dropping sage, sage advice for the women of America. Just kidding. They’re being ridiculous again with the wildly uninformative slideshow: “Girly Habits Guys Don’t Get“. Now, to be fair, it was the men of ModernMan.com who came up with this list, but Cosmo did choose to post it so they’re actively enabling this crap.
Girly Habits Guys Don’t Get
After being forced to wear a thong for Magic Mike, Joe Manganiello says he can’t believe women wear them. That made us LOL and wonder what other things we do that dudes just don’t get. So we consulted the guys at ModernMan.com, who revealed their top head-scratchers…
Foot Lotion
Is what goes on your face or hands not good enough for your feet?
Listen boys, do you like what you see? Do you like what you feel? Then stop asking questions about how it got that way and just enjoy.
Clutches
No, we will not hold your wallet, keys, brush, and cell phone. You chose to carry that useless bag.
I have a real hard time believing any women actually asks a guy to do this. Plus, have you seen clutches lately?
They’re giant. We don’t need you to hold our ish.
Wedge Heels
C’mon, ladies—no cheating.
(via Reality TV Gifs)
These guys are treading into dangerous territory here. Unless you’ve ever worn heels, you don’t get to have an opinion on them. Wedges are a GODSEND and don’t you ever speak ill of them again. Someone deserves to be slapped for that “no cheating” business. C’mon ModernMan.com–no being obnoxious toolbags.
Thank You Notes to Close Friends
You already told them thank you in person. Alternatively, your phone is right over there.
WHY IS THIS AN ACTUAL CONCERN OF YOURS? And good lord, it’s called being an adult having manners you heathens.
Leggings
Tights are hot. So why wear fake tights that cut off at the ankle and make us think of bursting sausages and 10-year-old girls? Because we know you don’t want us to find either of those things attractive.
Skinny Jeans
They make even slender people look like malevolent space-alien insects. To us, your low-waisted boost-cut jeans never went out of style.
Nude-Colored Underwear
We don’t care if it’s the only thing you can wear under white pants. It makes you look like a store mannequin eerily come to life.
(via Reality TV Gifs)
WHO CARES??? I’m looping these three together because they’re basically the same complaint: Clueless men who don’t like certain articles of clothing women love. First of all, what the hell makes you think women get dressed everyday with you in mind? I’ll say this again: women dress for women. Guys, a compliment from you on a woman’s clothing is like finding a penny on the ground: sure, it’s nice but you certainly don’t need it. Second, all three of those things have HUGE practical advantages. Leggings are amazingly comfortable and versatile. Skinny jeans are incredible, (how else are you supposed to wear boots with jeans?) and nude-colored underwear is UTTERLY necessary. It could not possibly matter less whether or not you like them.
Decorative Mirrors
Why would you hang up a mirror that’s surrounded by Versailles-via-Santa-Fe sunburst ironwork when you could just adorn that wall with a classy picture of dogs playing poker?
Har har har. Class. We like decorative mirrors because we’re prettier than you so we actually like looking at ourselves.
Carrying Flats Around
Wearing heels out for the night is sexy, but what’s up with needing a spare pair that you can actually walk in? Shouldn’t you just wear comfortable shoes in the first place?
That is an oxymoron you dingbats. Yes, heels are sexy but usually not comfortable. YOU WOULD KNOW THIS IF YOU EVER WORE HEELS.
Hating the Rain
We know it’s because it makes your hair frizzy. But we wouldn’t have noticed if you hadn’t brought it up 17 times.
(via Reality TV Gifs)
Oh puh-leeez. Hating this rain is in no way specific to women.
Changing—Again
Swapping your clothes a million times before you go out confuses the hell out of us. You look great in any outfit.
Again, maybe it’s not about you dickface. Maybe it’s about US and what WE feel comfortable in and what WE want to see ourselves in. And that might involve a change or two. Just because you walk out the door in whatever dirty t-shirt you found on the floor doesn’t mean we have to.
Also, I ask: As women, what are we supposed to do with this information? What woman is going to stop wearing skinny jeans or wedges because a bunch of randos with a website don’t like them? Cosmo, let’s think these things through during the editorial process next time, OK? And ladies, for the love of Honey Boo Boo, do not take advice from these clowns.
-K