Tags
circus, fashion, Guidos, Home Shopping Network, Jersey Shore, MTV, Nicole Polizzi, Snooki, ugly, Wtf
What are you doing right now? You’re probably at work or school busting your ass trying to reach a modicum of professional and/or financial success. You know what Snooki is doing? Making bank by selling a bunch of crap on the Home Shopping Network.
I mean, of course. I can respect the fact that homegirl must capitalize on her fame now, because the nails are all lined up and ready to go next to her coffin. But JEEEZUS why does this stuff have to be so ugly? I mean, I know the girl has as much class as a Vegas strip honeymoon suite, but damn. Also, hey Snooki, considering the fact that the Jersey Shore (without which, you would still be toiling in obscurity) is currently a disaster area, perhaps you should have donated some proceeds from this three ring circus of consumption to the relief efforts down there? There’s still time girl. Make the right choice.
What, pray tell, is this oompa loompa selling?
Snooki Couture Eau de Parfum
I am completely confident when I say that, Snooki is the last person on earth I’d want to smell like. This guido skank juice is proclaimed to be “as genuine and authentic as Snooki herself.” Yes, as authentic as the Chilean girl who tries to make the world believe she’s Italian.
Snooki Eau de Parfum by Nicole Polizzi
Because why try hard with something silly like variety? HSN lies to us, saying: “To Snooki, it’s simply ‘the kind of fragrance that makes you hungry for more Snooki.'” I don’t know exactly what that means but, gross.
Snooki by Nicole Polizzi Wild Thang Tiger-Print Satchel
GUYS, this hideous monstrosity of faux tiger fur and two discarded Ed Hardy belts is SOLD OUT. Lord have sweet, sweet mercy on us.
Snooki by Nicole Polizzi Sequin Sneaker Slippers
Let’s just glance at a few reviews for these slippers:
“They were cute, but way too hard to walk in. Not good if you have problems walking or balancing.”
……………..
“I love these slippers! They are retro and extremely comfortable!”
RETRO! Ah yes, they do look a lot like those slippers from Goofy’s 1992 capsule collection for Barnum & Bailey.
“My daughter flipped out when she saw these on TV and when they arrived, she flipped even more. Need I say more.”
Yes, you need to say that you went out and tried to buy your daughter some taste. PLEASE SAY THAT.
Snooki by Nicole Polizzi “Spida” Lace Sunglasses
I’m going to assume that since Snooki has spent 70% of her life under the influence, not being able to see clearly was probably the least of her worries.
GET TO SHOPPIN’ GUYS. Or don’t. Please don’t.
-K