First off, shout out to my girl Katie Kelly for bringing these to my attention:
But now I kind of hate her for it because I can’t unsee this affront to all that is decent in the world. Someone needs to call up Noah Webster so he can give us a new word for “ugly” because the ones we have aren’t enough to describe these “Denim Jean Open Toe Mid Calf Boot Flat Dress Sandals.”
(Can we just take a moment to appreciate the number of redundant synonyms they used to describe this product? Thanks.)
What in every cul de sac in hell are these things? Aside from being ferociously ugly, in no world rooted in logic do these make sense. This is the sandal equivalent of a sleeveless wool turtleneck.
Or perhaps I’m mistaken. Now that I think about it, I do often hear my girlfriends complaining about that persistent problem of hot feet and cold ankles. And golly gee lookie here: We’ve found the solution!
Seriously though, I see shit like this and think: Why am I not a millionaire? Because apparently people are ACTUALLY BUYING these shoes:
FOR THE LOVE OF MOSES CAN WE GET THESE PEOPLE A ROUND OF LOBOTOMIES STAT???
I helpfully pointed out the only person here with an iota of common sense because the rest of these bitches be trippin’ FOR REALZ.
Although I usually don’t give two shits about what men think of women’s fashion, I had to ask some real live males what they thought of the shoes:
They’re like foreskins that you wear on your feet.
I wonder if she’s wearing denim underwear too.
What does she keep in those pockets?
Overall my reaction to someone wearing those shoes is: “judging” and not in a good way.
Yes they are hideous, moreso for northerners. I could see someone from a Red state wearing them to a Nascar race.
I would run very very far away from the wearer of this. What is wrong with normal sandals!!
I can’t even imagine someone wearing these for real.
So there you have it ladies: If you walk around wearing denim sandal boots, men will hate you, women will hate you, even blind people will hate you. On the real: The world will hate you for making it an uglier place.
-K