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The Top 10.5 Reasons I Am Excited For Magic Mike

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1) It’s actually getting good reviews

So, granted, only ten reviews have been counted but, included among those ten reviews are some really legit sources like Variety, Associated Press, and Hollywood Reporter. I am feeling good about this. Although, it should be noted that even if this was the worst reviewed movie in the history of filmmaking, I would absolutely still be seeing it.

2) It has, quite possibly, the greatest tagline ever

“A male stripper teaches a younger performer how to party, pick up women, and make easy money.” WHAT MORE COULD YOU POSSIBLY ASK FOR IN A CINEMATIC EXPERIENCE?

3) Two words: Male Objectification

All I have to say is: It’s about damn time. And these boys ain’t exactly stripping their way through med school, ya’ll.

4) The dance scenes were choreographed by Alison Faulk, A WO-MAN 

I don’t know exactly what this will mean but I know it can’t possibly be bad.

5) Channing Tatum just can’t let go of the fact that he used to be a stripper

And it’s incredible. He must be the proudest former male stripper on the planet. Hell, he’s probably the proudest former stripper period. He’s so proud of having been a stripper that he convinced Reid Carolin and Steven Soderbergh to develop an entire project around his experience. Which leads me to…

6) STEVEN SODERBERGH IS DIRECTING THIS ISH

Oh, just the man responsible for Ocean’s 11, Erin Brockovich, and Traffic. The man who has a BEST DIRECTOR OSCAR. Even if this movie turns out to be terrible, it will be Steven Soderbergh terrible. Which is to say, still pretty great.

7) There will be absurdity that I never thought possible

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IT IS LITERALLY RAINING MEN AND THIS IS JUST A TASTE OF THE RIDOKULOUSNESS.

8) This shit is set in Tampa

Male strippers in Tampa, Florida? I didn’t even know you could fit that much trashiness in one sentence. Similarly…

8.5) The goal of Matthew McConaughey’s character (who owns the strip club) throughout the film is to “upgrade” Xquisite, (YES THAT IS THE NAME OF THE CLUB) by moving it to Miami

You know, Miami, a classy town.

9) If nothing else, Magic Mike gives Channing Tatum the chance to say the line: “I’m not my lifestyle!”

Which is actually brilliant in the lack of sense that it makes.

10) Magic Mike’s life dream is to be a custom furniture designer

A custom. Furniture. Designer. Why not just make it his dream to be a spaceship? (Answer: Because then we can’t say that the male stripper with a heart of gold JUST WANTS TO MAKE NICE THINGS FOR US TO SIT IN.)

June 29th can’t come soon enough bitches!

-K